In another cancer forum a member was diagnosed with metastasized breast cancer to several parts of her body?
with chemotherapy her doctors give her two and a half years, but she does not want to go through it again. She decided not to subject her body to those poisons and try more holistic healing methods. And she is able to live with that decision.
Her husband wants to take her traveling and make a ?Bucket List? but she only wants life to continue on without any special considerations.
I am wondering if things go bad, how bad will they get and what kind of life can she expect to live in the meantime? I understand the harsh treatments of cancer, I have seen what the treatments can do and it takes a toll on a person, but wouldn?t facing death do the same thing?
How does one come to a decision like this, if it was your loved one would you try and change their minds, and how would you go about it? Or, would you honor their decision and make it as easy on them as possible?
Answer by RKANTER
the decisions concerning death and dying are very personal and each person needs to make those decisions to make themselves happy. They should be able to make there piece with God there own way and then be supported In their decision.
Answer by Lordpercywooster XXV
it sounds fishy the doctors gave her a prediction that far out , how would the doctor know it wont pop up else where, how do the doctors know that the rate of multiplication of the tumor wont increase
the whole this is very very fishy
my wife?s doctor said he would surprised if she died in a year ad she died two months later
you come to decision through pain being tired exhausted, you need lots of opiates, it all depends on where they tumors are , it takes so so so much to go through chemo and when its mets you know you will die . it is her life its a question of how much suffering and pain she can stand, no of your business you just support her, not to tell her how to die
the average Time to death from diagnosis is 6 months with chemo
Answer by Spreedog
This is a tough question Dave.
And Dave ? you know that doctors do not ?give? people set amounts of time ? as if we know. No doctor ever knows the future ? years ahead.
- ? -
In this case it depends where the metastatic lesions are located and what treatment is being considered. As you know there are many treatment options for metastatic breast carcinoma.
Some are easy. Some are very rough.
A great deal of discussion with the oncologist (who knows the case) is required here.
Most of my time as an oncologist was spent explaining things ? over and over,
These are personal choices each person must make for herself or himself.
Metastatic breast carcinoma is not considered curable
- but neither is high blood pressure or diabetes.
How much is someone willing to go through to control a disease?
For breast cancer ? I would try to convince a person to try different treatments.
For pancreatic cancers or some types of lung or brain malignancies,
I would often try to talk people out of taking chemotherapy.
It?s a question of the likelihood of benefit verses doing harm.
If an oncologist makes someone miserable for the last months of their life
without prolonging that life, that doctor has cause more harm than good ? except that for some people the option of doing nothing removes ?hope.? Hope is an intangible factor. I suppose that is why people try homeopathic miracle cures which have no scientific foundation. They want to believe something will work miraculously. I have seen some oncologists use small doses of useless chemotherapy just to give patients and their family members the idea that they were ?doing something.? Perhaps I?m being too candid here. There is a great deal of psychology in medical oncology because of the life threatening malignancies.
Long, open, honest discussions with the oncologist are crucial. Hopefully this person has an oncologist with a good balance of compassion and common sense along with medical expertise and patience. Some oncologists have this ? and some do not. An oncologist who is rushed and overworked plus sleep deprived is not at his or her best.
I speak from personal experience.
Answer by Tarkarri
Dave,
While I have a great deal of respect for the support you have provided your wife during her cancer journey, you cannot fully understand how it affects you as you haven?t been through it yourself.
While I found my own treatment relatively easy compared to many, I am not sure it is something I would choose to go through again, even if death was the alternative.
If I was facing a choice of treatment to extend the time I had with no expectation of being cancer free at the end of it, hen my choice would be palliative care. The only thing that got me through my treatment (other than my daughter) was the expectation of good health when it was over.
As for a ?bucket list?, personally I couldn?t think of anything worse than trying to cram things in when I was feeling unwell.
We are all different, we will all make different choices in life and no-one knows just what decision they will make until they are faced with that situation.
Having made the decision of how I wanted to spend the rest of my life, I would resent anyone trying to change my mind. I have seen friends desperately trying to make their partners understand why they wanted to stop treatment then helped support them through the treatments they knew were hopeless but they had been ?guilted? into accepting. This is NOT a decision to be made as a couple or as a family, it is one that should be up to the individual.
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